i just wanna soil my oats bro
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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