Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
