dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
