Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
