I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
