dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
