Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
