so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
