please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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