Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
