Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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