I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
