it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
