i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
