Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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