Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
