I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
