Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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