dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
