I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
