Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
