don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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