He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want to make out with him forever
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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