I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
