he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
