Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
