you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
This toilet bowl is my home.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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