im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
