someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
