Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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