No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She's the barista slut.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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