Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
