i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
