thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
