Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
