girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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