first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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