Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
