Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
