I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
