Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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