Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
