Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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