M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
