I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
she smelled like a LAN party
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
