he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
