I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
