I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
