Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
