Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
