when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
