Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My balls are so social today.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
