when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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